Thanks again to Lindsay Robertson and Gabriel Delahaye for letting me onstage during last week's Ritalin Readings. It was much fun, and the other readers were uniformly excellent -- far beyond my abilities, as is only natural. Gabe has the full podcast of the evening, and I encourage you to enjoy it all. For my impatient friends and Aunt Petunia, here's a clip of just my own four minutes in heaven. Inside-blogball alert.
And if that wasn't enough -- and in honor of this, which I think marks the expiration of the statute of limitations -- after the jump, enjoy a series of emails between myself and one of the Misshapes (and others) while I was at Gawker. It's much longer than funny, but if nothing else it gives one a depressing glimpse of what it's like working the turnstiles at such a freak parade.
The setup: As Joey Arak was getting ready to retire from writing Gawker's "Blue States Lose" column, Lawrence Lewitinn (brother of Ultragrrrl Sarah Lewitinn) and Gawker boss Lockhart Steele had come up with the idea of the Misshapes penning a sort of farewwell BSL for Arak. Their version -- written by Geordon Nicol, a.k.a. the Misshapes' "Leotard Fantastic" -- would make fun of Gawker people the same way they'd been relentlessly mocked in BSL. Fair enough. And let me just say that Lewitinn exhibited the patience of a saint throughout. Despite many grand declarations, thinly veiled insults, hurt feelings, taking of the ball and going home, and back-room diplomatic finesse, the entire fiasco was derailed at the last moment by a "snag."
=====================
From: Lawrence Lewitinn
Subject: Re: Blue States Lose
Date: July 24, 2006 11:24:39 AM EDT
To: Lockhart Steele, Geordon Nicol
Geordon and Lockhart:
I figured I’d introduce the two of you since you’ll be working on this top secret project together J
Lockhart Steele (Lockhart Steele) is Managing Editor of Gawker Media. Geordon Nicol (Geordon Nicol) is 1/3rd of the MisShapes. Now you’re introduced so let’s let the fun start.
Geordon, as Josh Madden and I discussed with you at Don Hill’s the other night, Lock wants to know if you’d be willing to write an installment of “Blue States Lose”. From what I gathered from Lock, Joey Arak (or anyone else) is NOT supposed to know about this until it comes out (correct me if I’m wrong, Lock). I’ll leave you two to chat away at how you want to do this.
As way of inspiration for both of you, here’s a picture of Joey Arak at MisShapes from a while back:
http://flickr.com/photos/lvlewitinn/65313502/in/set-1409438/
Get to it!
--Lawrence
=====================
From: Lockhart Steele
Subject: Re: Blue States Lose
Date: July 24, 2006 11:24:39 AM EDT
To: Lawrence Lewitinn
Cc: Geordon Nicol, Chris Mohney
Excellent! Glad to make your acquaintance, Geordon. I want this to be a surprise to everyone, especially Arak.
He's doing one more, maybe a few more, BSL columns, before he retires. So we have a few weeks to pull this together. I'm also drawing Chris Mohney, Gawker's head, into the mix to help coordinate.
Whee!
Lock
=====================
From: Geordon Nicol
Subject: Re: Blue States Lose
Date: July 24, 2006 11:40:41 AM EDT
To: Lockhart Steele, Lawrence Lewitinn
Cc: Chris Mohney
Hey
Nice to unofficially meet you both.
We will do this, we'd just like to confirm a few things before doing it;
1. We must be credited under "The MisShapes" not my name. It will be a collective effort. "The MisShapes" will link our new site which i will provide a link for when we get close to doing it.
2. Someone at gawker provides us with photos of Jessica Cohen. (preferably from cobrasnake, ambrel or LNP, i don't think we've had her at misshapes and if we have and there is a photo great.)
3. Lawrence, can you send me all the photos of arak that you have, especially at misshapes.
4. We're not censored.... what we write goes on there.
xo
geo
=====================
From: Chris Mohney
Subject: Re: Blue States Lose
Date: July 24, 2006 11:52:25 AM EDT
To: Lockhart Steele
So if I get this correctly, they're going to do a sort of parody send-off thing of BSL, giving the BSL treatment to Gawker folk?
I don't mind agreeing not to "censor," but I want to reserve the right to reject the entire thing if it's lame ... i.e., will run as written, or not at all. Note that I don't mean lame as in too mocking, just lame as in not funny. They got a high Arakian standard to measure up to, after all.
chris m
=====================
From: Lockhart Steele
Subject: Re: Blue States Lose
Date: July 24, 2006 11:56:32 AM EDT
To: Chris Mohney
Right.
Fair enough -- you're the boss. Respond to them and tell them that.
Lock
=====================
From: Chris Mohney
Subject: Re: Blue States Lose
Date: July 24, 2006 12:07:35 PM EDT
To: Geordon Nicol
Cc: Lockhart Steele, Lawrence Lewitinn
All sounds fine. You should be able to find whatever photos you need of Jessica or anyone else on those various sites; otherwise you'll need to contact the photographers directly, as we don't have a Gawker photo archive beyond what's available on the site.
As to #4 below, sure, no "censorship" or even "editing." Heap on the mockery. Note, however, that I reserve the right not to run the bit if it's simply not funny. Otherwise, go nuts.
chris m
=====================
From: Geordon Nicol
Subject: Re: Blue States Lose
Date: July 24, 2006 12:14:16 PM EDT
To: Chris Mohney
Cc: Lockhart Steele, Lawrence Lewitinn
no good, you run arak when he's not funny all the time.
If you want us to do it, what we write gets posted funny or not.
I don't know what either people look like, i'd be no good looking on those sites.
if we're going to do it someone will have to help us locate some photos....
doesn't gawker have interns? lawrence, would you be able to help us find some?
=====================
From: Lawrence Lewitinn
Subject: RE: Blue States Lose
Date: July 24, 2006 12:24:57 PM EDT
To: Geordon Nicol, Chris Mohney
Cc: Lockhart Steele
Geordon has a point about the funniness issue. :)
If it helps the cause, I'll try to go through Ambrel and stuff to find
photos. Not a problem. I just need a day or two (How the fuck am I doing
work on this? Totally an intern thing. Get Alexis on it; tell her I'll buy
her lunch).
Meanwhile, here are the Joey photos from November (I knew they'd be useful):
http://flickr.com/photos/lvlewitinn/tags/joey/
=====================
From: Geordon Nicol
Subject: RE: Blue States Lose
Date: July 24, 2006 12:50:47 PM EDT
To: Lawrence Lewitinn, Chris Mohney
Cc: Lockhart Steele
these photos of joey are great, i wonder if there are anyone misshapes.... i will look.
thanks for the help with jessica, i don't know what she looks like, so it would be very helpful if you had any photos of her, or knew of any on the regular hipser sites...... maybe one of their interns can so something and find a few, even if they aren't on one of those sites.
=====================
From: Chris Mohney
Subject: Re: Blue States Lose
Date: July 24, 2006 2:33:02 PM EDT
To: Geordon Nicol
Cc: Lockhart Steele, Lawrence Lewitinn
No good is right. Can't say I'm much interested in running material both blind *and* uneditable. If those are your conditions, then I'll pass, thanks.
chris m
=====================
From: Lockhart Steele
Subject: Re: Blue States Lose
Date: July 24, 2006 3:05:20 PM EDT
To: Chris Mohney
Cc: Geordon Nicol, Lawrence Lewitinn
Yeah, guys, as site lead, Chris reserves the right not to run. That's standard editorial policy at any reasonable media outlet.
Lock
=====================
From: Geordon Nicol
Subject: Re: Blue States Lose
Date: July 24, 2006 3:06:15 PM EDT
To: Chris Mohney
Cc: Lockhart Steele, Lawrence Lewitinn
no problem. good luck with your other guest writers
best!
geo
=====================
From: Lawrence Lewitinn
Subject: RE: Blue States Lose
Date: July 24, 2006 3:42:01 PM EDT
To: Geordon Nicol, Lockhart Steele, Chris Mohney
Cc: Lawrence Lewitinn
If you guys don't mind, i'll throw in my two cents since I think it would be a shame if this didn't happen:
My guess is that the Misshapes don't want to submit something only to have Gawker remove parts of it because they take it personally. They probably feel that they weren't given a say when Gawker would goof on them so they'd like their turn.
Meanwhile, Chris was recently brought in to make sure that the content on Gawker doesn't suck. He's got to do what he gets paid to do: quality control Since he hasn't seen the Misshapes written work, he's being cautious about what he agrs to (what if the Misshapes submit an entire copy of the US Constitution and insists Gawker reprints it in its entirety?)
Would it work if the Misshapes submitted a piece and Gawker worked with them on the editing so that a quality product results with all sides satisfied?
Just my useless thought...
--Lawrence
=====================
From: Chris Mohney
Subject: Re: Blue States Lose
Date: July 24, 2006 4:08:01 PM EDT
To: Lawrence Lewitinn
Cc: Geordon Nicol, Lockhart Steele
I think it could be quite entertaining. As I said initially, my concern isn't defusing Gawker mockery -- that's the whole point of the bit, after all. I'd be perfectly happy to work out a mutually acceptable draft. Or, I'd be OK with Geordon's preference to run it completely untouched. But if there's to be no editing for quality, then yes, I'll reserve the right to reject in its entireity if the post's just not funny.
As for photos, we could likely get an inern to help with locating 'em, if we get details on who, what, how many, etc. Note however that it would likely be best to follow the BSL format, if you weren't planning to already -- i.e. linking to photos, rather than reproducing them in the post itself. Then you don't have to get hung up in asking for photo permissions, etc.
chris m
=====================
From: Geordon Nicol
Subject: RE: Blue States Lose
Date: July 24, 2006 4:01:24 PM EDT
To: Lawrence Lewitinn, Lockhart Steele, Chris Mohney
That's interesting... so chris is doing like quality control? is that why joey won't be writing BSL anymore?
Our concern is that we do not want to put any sort of thought into this, if we're going to have parts of what we say removed or denied being in the special edition because it's too harsh, or rude or considered not funny, which i completely don't understand beacuse blue states lose is usually VERY hit or miss, more often miss then hit.
it makes no difference to us if we do it or not, we think it would be fun, because people do get a kick out of reading it, and it would be funny to have us participate so people see we can make fun of ourselves.
We understand as an editor you can't agree to print ANYTHING we give you, but seriously? do you really think we'd waste an opportunity like this and submit bullshit?
bottom line, we'd need you to agree to print whatever we give you, understanding that it's blue states lose, and in that format, and we're not handing you random nonsensical things... if you can't then we have no deal.
we understand either way.
=====================
From: Chris Mohney
Subject: Re: Blue States Lose
Date: July 24, 2006 4:11:22 PM EDT
To: Lockhart Steele
You've got to be kidding me. Is there some reason I have to be civil to this douchebag?
chris m
=====================
From: Chris Mohney
Subject: Re: Blue States Lose
Date: July 24, 2006 4:50:18 PM EDT
To: Geordon Nicol
Cc: Lawrence Lewitinn, Lockhart Steele
Well, let's see ... you're not going to put "any sort of thought into it," and you won't guarantee it will be any funnier than the least funny parts of past BSLs. And I can't see it in advance or edit it in any way. You don't trust me not to edit versus harshness or rudeness -- despite my explicit assurances to the contrary -- but I'm supposed to trust you won't submit any bullshit.
It's a sweet deal, yeah, but I'm still going to say: no thanks.
chris m
=====================
From: Geordon Nicol
Subject: Re: Blue States Lose
Date: July 24, 2006 5:36:37 PM EDT
To: Chris Mohney
Cc: Lawrence Lewitinn, Lockhart Steele
you clearly didn't understand what i was saying.
please don't email me again.
Lawrence, thank you for thinking of us and understanding where we are coming from.
=====================
[At this point, Lewitinn remarked that this whole exchange was “so gay it could get into Misshapes without paying a cover.”]
From: Lawrence Lewitinn
Subject: RE: Blue States Lose
Date: July 24, 2006 5:38:46 PM EDT
To: Chris Mohney, Geordon Nicol
Cc: Lawrence Lewitinn, Lockhart Steele
You guys are saying the same thing: Geordon said they won't put thought into it (ie, won't write it) IF it's taken out for being too rude. Chris is saying they want the Misshapes to write what they want so long as it's funny. Geordon is saying he won't miss this opportunity to be funny.
I think the piece can benefit from feedback prior to it being published. If either of you doesn't like it, it doesn't have to be published . And, as we know, BSL is funny when it bites.
Now, let's start working on this so I can budget my time looking for pics and let's do a good job so my time is not for naught.
--Lawrence
=====================
From: Chris Mohney
Subject: Re: Blue States Lose
Date: July 24, 2006 5:56:53 PM EDT
To: Lawrence Lewitinn
Cc: Lockhart Steele
Lawrence, sorry, I don't know you and I don't mean to rain on your parade. I think the piece could be funny, but no way am I giving this guy carte blanche to publish whatever he wants on Gawker, sight unseen. (Note that I'm not emailing his highness, as ordered.) And the fact that he seems determined to act like a jerkoff isn't making me more inclined to deal with him. Maybe that makes me a jerkoff as well, but we are incompatible jerkoffs, obviously.
That said, if you can convince him to either (a) allow editing, with mutual agreement, or (b) allow that his bit can run either untouched or not at all, then fine, I'll look at it. If he just prefers to put up whatever he wants with no interference, then he can check out Myspace.
chris m
=====================
From: Lawrence Lewitinn
Subject: Blue States Lose
Date: July 24, 2006 7:01:38 PM EDT
To: Chris Mohney, Lockhart Steele, Geordon Nicol
Cc: Lawrence Lewitinn
Okay, I think everyone's on the same page now.
Chris, the Misshapes will gladly take your offer, which is they'll submit their piece for your approval or denial. If you want, they'll also be willing to hear your feedback if you want to make a couple of minor changes (grammar, spelling, etc.) or suggestions. Their concern was that they didn't want to submit something and then have it changed on them to the point that they were misrepresented (ie, have someone rewrite their piece to make them sound stupid). Geordon and Greg have both written for publications before and they're religious readers of BSL so they'll try to make it as close as possible to the spirit of the series.
By the way, Geordon says that they themselves will be included as subjects and those are the ones I'm looking most forward to.
On the logistical side, they want to know if they can do up to 15 and not 10 photos (Geordon, I can't even figure out how Joey does 10. But, okay, there are three of you so I guess it's possible).
As well, what is the deadline for submission? And when will it run?
Glad we have this settled. For my next trick, I'm putting together Hezbollah and the Israelis for brunch at Sarabeth.
--Lawrence
=====================
From: Chris Mohney
Subject: Re: Blue States Lose
Date: July 24, 2006 7:25:30 PM EDT
To: Lawrence Lewitinn
Cc: Lockhart Steele, Geordon Nicol
Fine with me. Editing, if any, will only happen with Misshapes' consent. Final version will run as confirmed and deemed acceptable by all parties.
15 photos is also fine.
Still determining when Joey's last BSL will be, but I'm thinking in a couple weeks. Would seem appropriate to run this the same day as that, for synergy's sake. Should only need, say, 48 hours tops (likely much less) to go from submission to publication, assuming everyone's available to respond to any queries. I'll get back with a confirmed deadline/live date once we nail down Joey's schedule.
chris m
=====================
From: Geordon Nicol
Subject: Re: Blue States Lose
Date: July 24, 2006 8:05:35 PM EDT
To: Chris Mohney, Lawrence Lewitinn
Cc: Lockhart Steele
sounds good, please let me know when you'd like it, just give me a day or two's notice.
i'm glad we all came to an understadning i think it will be a fun piece.
=====================
From: Geordon Nicol
Subject: ALSO
Date: July 24, 2006 8:14:01 PM EDT
To: Chris Mohney, Lawrence Lewitinn
Cc: Lockhart Steele
chris and lock,
I sent this to lawrence, but we'd also love to have you there and meet properly if you have the time.
we are djing the premiere of this film and would love you to attend botht he premiere screening and party....
I've attached the info and put you both on the list.
[attachment deleted]
=====================
From: Geordon Nicol
Subject: Re: Blue States Lose
Date: August 9, 2006 12:29:20 PM EDT
To: Chris Mohney, Lawrence Lewitinn
Hey Guys
Just waiting to show thing to Leigh to make she she's ok with it all...... (she's been in North Carolina all week)
will have to you either late tonight or tomorrow morning at latest.
hope that's ok
geordon
=====================
From: Lawrence Lewitinn
Subject: RE: Blue States Lose
Date: August 10, 2006 12:50:24 PM EDT
To: Chris Mohney
Reply-To: Lawrence Lewitinn
Hey, can I call you? There was a snag...
[The snag, if I recall correctly, was that Nicol was called on the carpet by his day-job employers for relentless publicity-hounding – I seem to remember it had something to do with a Misshapes mention in the infamous rosé article in the New York Times.]
Finis.
