Because I run a phenomenally successful website, I get lots of fan mail, or what insensitive people refer to as "spam." Today I received a very personal missive that read:
I was just browsing around your site.
Would you consider adding a link to us on your website?
We have over 4600 knife products with one of the largest online knife selections in the world.
http://www.bladecrazy.comI would love to hear back from you,
Ken Burks
Knife Enthusiast & Professional
BLADECRAZY.COM
I was intrigued to visit Blade Crazy Dot Com and learn more about knife enthusiasm as a profession. Which of course led me to the associated Blade Crazy Blog, whose current top entry is entitled, "In the event of your death, what will happen to your knives?"
Turns out, this situation has historically been resolved in several ways:
There are some outdoorsmen who choose to be buried with their favorite knives. If that’s someone’s wish, it should by all means be honored. Too often, though, no one talks about what they want to happen to their blades when they’re gone. If that’s the case your knife could be destroyed, donated to charity or sold to someone who’s going to let it rust away in a toolbox. If you don’t want those things to happen, you should, at the very least, make a casual mention to your loved ones about your wishes for your knives. You may not realize it, but even a simple comment uttered once over a sandwich 25 years before you die will likely be remembered by those closest to you.
Tips How to Casually Tell Your Loved Ones Your Postmortem Wishes Regarding Your Knives
- Remember, keep it casual. The addition of a sandwich to the scenario when you inform your relatives about your wish to be buried with your knives will make everyone more relaxed, because crazy people don't eat sandwiches.
- Despite the casual nature of the situation (do you have your sandwich?), your loved ones may be unnerved by talk of your impending death, even in the reassuring context of conversation about your knife collection. Perhaps include the knives in a larger discussion about the ultimate fate of your guns, dogs, and secondborn daughter.
- Your casual remark needs to make an impression on your loved ones -- despite your fondness for sharp objects, who knows how long you might live? In years to come, they could easily forget your instructions, confusing the moment in larger, happier recollections of all the many, many times you talked about your knives. Make eye contact. Pause for emphasis. Speak evenly, and maybe even smile slightly. In your non-sandwich-holding hand, perhaps point at your loved ones with one your favorite knives during your casual speech.
- It helps if you can provide an understandable, practical reason for being buried with your knives, such as your need to fight off the ravening jackals of Anubis in the afterworld.
- Public speaking experts recommend a visual flourish to really drive a point home, so after making your wishes known, drive your actual point home by driving the actual point of your knife into a convenient tabletop, wall, or secondborn daughter.
- Be cognizant of the ironic potential for certain antagonistic relatives or other enemies to stab you to death with your knives and bury you in that condition, which, while fulfilling the letter of your request, hardly abides by the spirit of your intentions.
Remember, there's nothing more unfortunate than having your wishes regarding your knives forgotten or disrespected. Better to destroy your knives, dogs, or daughters than to let them fall into the wrong hands after you're gone.
